As women of our age, we grow up using birth control while leading a life shaped by our choices. We study; we travel; we venture with partners; we pursue a career. Then comes the day somewhere in our thirties when we decide to stop controlling our body’s ability to get pregnant. The frustration that follows if things do not work out as planned grows with every passing month, with every empty pregnancy test. Our hopes that fertility treatments will help, rather sooner than later, turn into desperation if it appears that the doctors actually cannot explain our inability to conceive and if the most advanced methods do not result in pregnancy.
The most painful part of long fertility journeys is the ‘not knowing’ – not knowing if, at all, or when you will get pregnant. As family, friends, and colleagues come to share their good news, it hurts to just look by and to wonder when your turn will arrive. Why you? You live healthy; you have a good life; you’ve got all it takes to become good parents. And yet, it’s not happening. A mystery of life you cannot resolve.
Together with the ‘not knowing’ comes the loss of power you experience over a part of your life you ‘cannot control’. Your body seems not to be working with you or the doctors. The baby room remains empty. You research; you adapt a new diet, a new lifestyle; you do everything in your hands to reach your dream of setting up a family. And yet, at the end of the day, it seems totally out of your hands. The one thing you cannot fix, the one thing you cannot achieve.
This is your wake up call. This is your initiation to motherhood. You have done everything you could. Now try to relax, to slow down, to be. It is time to trust. To trust your body; to trust your instincts; to trust the uncertainty, the unpredictability.
It is time to learn to surrender. For your journey to motherhood is full of challenges asking you to just do that. For you, it has started with getting pregnant. For some, it starts with staying pregnant. For others, it starts with giving birth. With post-partum. With a baby. With a toddler. Sometimes you will not know. It will be tough and probably much more challenging than all your life’s achievements. But it will be worth it. I promise. It hurts. I know. These are your growth pains. Embrace them on your path leading deeper into womanhood.